I am always in the right place at the right time

One of the biggest questions I feel like a child gets asked is "Who do you want to be when you grow up?"

I never knew how to answer the question confidently growing up, but I remember telling my parents that I wanted to be an actress. I also remember wanting to become a makeup artist.

My dream to become an actress was very short-lived. As a child, my dad would buy me a bunch of DVDs for me to watch, and I remember learning how to download pirated movies and TV shows when I was 10 years old. It was during that special time of my childhood, I fell in love with the idea of becoming an actress. I loved watching movies and I felt inspired by the people I watched on screen.

My dream to become a makeup artist was also very short-lived. When I started wearing makeup in high school, it became more than an everyday routine. I used to religiously watch YouTube beauty gurus like Michelle Phan, Bethany Mota, and BubzBeauty, and buy every product that they recommended. Today, makeup is still a passion of mine and I still love the way makeup makes me feel more confident and beautiful.

As I got older and needed to make decisions for my career, I got stuck in this idea that I had to either be an engineer, doctor, or lawyer. Being raised in an asian household and going to extremely competitive high school, going to college was the expectation. I was a comptetive person, and I wanted to achieve what I thought was the "best" for myself, and please my parents. I never had the guts to pursue what was out of the norm.

When I graduated, our class had a 99% college acceptance rate. Everyone went to college and I felt like if I didn't go to college, I would be a complete failure. It felt like college was the definition of happiness and success.

I graduated with a 3.8 unweighted GPA and was top 10% in my class. I was accepted to New York University, and I was set for the next stage of my life.

The next 4 years were some of the best and lowest times of my life. I remember having so much fun from the all the partying, but I also remember college feeling like an endless cycle of constant peer pressure to succeed, trying to figure out what I wanted to do, but also trying to not feel stupid. Nonetheless, I am still extremely grateful to have had experienced college.

Now that I'm 25 years old, it's crazy that little me thought I would already be successful in a career and engaged.

Straight out of college, I got my dream job in the beauty industry in New York City and I thought I made it. I was going to live the New York City life that I always dreamt of. Just like the movies that I watched growing up. But, Covid 2020 happened and the life that I carefully planned out quickly turned upside down.

Two years later, I live back home with my parents now, and it feels as if I took one big step back in life.

For the first time in my life, I had to uncouple my value from my job. I was always an extreme over-achiever, collecting A's and gold stars since I was in elementary school. In college, I was VP of my business club and won an national award for my pitch, which landed me my dream job.

But, even though I am not exactly where I want to be, and it feels like all the decisions I made from college up until now are the reasons why I am not where I want to be, I know I am always in the right place at the right time.

Looking back, I made a lot of quick career decisions just because I felt like I had to in the environments I was in. The high school that I went to was +80% Asian, and that statistic alone can tell you about the lack of diversity we had. I was surrounded by students who were extremely smart in maths and sciences and who were probably in the same boat as me, and wanted to please their parents who expected college out of them as well.

I realized I questioned my capabilities and smartness because I wasn't good at math and science like the other students. All that self-doubt hindered my confidence, and I felt like I needed to be execelling in school or work to feel validated in the environment I was in. It was a fear of failure that fueled me into excelling more.

When there is so much things out of my control, it is truly so silly of me to think that I am the reason why I am not feeling like a success. I realize that the idea of success is so subjective and it shouldn't be defined by how people think and validate you. It shouldn't be defined by how teachers, professors, managers, and my parents think of me.

My value comes from within and it has nothing to do with my job - that is the most powerful position I can ever be in.

If I had chosen a different path, I would have never met some of the best people I know today.

Right now, I’m in my creative era, gym era, festival era, vlogging era, and more.

I’m trying to figure out who I am outside of the Brittany who felt pressured and tied to all the “rules" that she felt like she needed to follow.

If you're on a similar self-care & wellness journey, please let's connect and support each other!